Hiatus

And life goes on. I thank you for being with me on this photo journey through my life, and though the journey will, I pray, continue for quite some time, and while there are still many, many more photos of people in my life, I think it is time to take a break. Not sure whether I'll resume on a regular basis, or just do sporadic new entries, but again I think you for being with me.

And while this blog has emphasized my exterior, I hope you will now consider exploring how my mind works through my other blogs (http://www.doriengreyandme.blogspot.com), "A World Ago" (http//www.doriengrey.blogspot.com) and my books.

And remember, too, that you can always contact me at doriengrey@gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you.

Later, my friend.

Roots 16

One of the saddest things about our society is how soon and how easily we forget those people without whom we would not exist. This early 1930s photo of dad's maternal grandparents, the Adams (I am ashamed not to remember their first names!). Both died when I was very young, but I remember that Dad adored Grandma Adams, and that she always kept cookies...ginger snaps, if memory serves, which it often doesn't...in a round tin. I remember almost nothing about Grandma Adams except that he was a crusty old soul who smoked a pipe and didn't say much. As I mentioned in an earlier entry, my dad'd middle name, Guerdon, was the name of the captain of the boat on which Grandma Adams came over from Ireland. Why do I not know more? Why do you not know more of your forebearers?

Roots: My Family 1

And as this photoblog comes to a close (there are many more photos, but they are largely strolls from the main path). So I thought I'd put up this picture of Dad's side of my family, taken somewhere in the 1950s: Dad's mom is front row, left, his half-sister Marjorie (Bonne) beside her. On the couch from left are Pete Bonne, Marge's husband, their daughter Shirley, Al Ameeley, Grandma's husband, holding Sandy Bonne, then Dad and Mom. I'm on the floor, right. Since Aunt Marge's death two years ago, I have totally lost track of Sandy and Shriley, the only remaiing members of Dad's side. Life is strange.

Roots 15

A "typically average" young woman stands on the "typically average" porch of a "typically average" American home in the early 1920s. And in some ways, my mother was a typically average woman of her time. But "average" is a surface word, hiding the fact that every human being is unique in the universe. No one had her smile, or her laugh, or all those millions of little things which separated her from everyone else. And no one could possibly have been a better mother.

Roots 14

Dad loved sports, and poses here, somewhere around 1940, in his baseball uniform, probably from an amateur team organized by his work. I always felt I was a great disappointment to Dad because I did not share his sports interests or abilities, and only recently have come to realize that even if he was disappointed, it in no wasy affected (as I feared at the time) his love for me.

Roots 13

Photos often raise more questions than they answer. This early-1930's photo is obviously of my dad, left, and my grandfather Gus, right. But who is the man in the middle? When, exactly, was it taken? Where? And why are dad and grandpa Margason looking so dapper...even to the point of Dad sporting a cane? Time steals facts so quickly. And it is our fault for not marking each and every photo we take with some sort of identification for future years.

Roots 12

The concept of "now" is difficult to really grasp. But look closely at this photo. It's not just of my dad working at a gas station in 1929 Rockford, Illinois (I'm sorry I do not know the name of his friend), it is a tiny piece of now captured forever. It may not be the now through which we are traveling at this instant, but it is, for dad and the world captured in this photo, just as real as ours.

Roots 11

I'd posted this 1916 photo of my beloved Aunt Thyra in her confirmation dress some time ago on my Dorien Grey and Me blog, but it is such a lovely photo, and since we're now focusing on important people in my life, I couldn't resist. I hope you don't mind.

Roots 10

And then, sometime around 1929, Franklyn Guerdon Margason met Odrae Lucille Fearn, leading inevitably, four years later, to the birth of Franklyn Roger Margason, who would be the last of one branch of the Margason tree. (There are Margasons out there, just none who are related to me.) And time, as they say, marches on.

Roots 9

I ran this photo of my dad, circa 1925, some time ago on my "Dorien Grey and Me" blog, but since I have so few photos of dad's early years, felt it appropriate to run it again. His expression is guarded, as though he were not quite sure what to expect next. I seem to have inherited that trait from him.

Roots 8

Franklin Guerdon (named for the captain of the ship on which my great-grandmother Adams came over from Ireland) Margason was born October 11, 1912, and was therefore about six years old when this photo was taken posing proudly with his mother, holding a stick rifle. But while he loved playing soldier as a boy, when WWII came along, he was married and had a child and workig in a defense plant,which deferred him from the draft. Therefore, like an entire generation of young boys playing solier, he never had to become one.

Roots 7

Mother was born into a far different world (here probably around 1916)than she left. It was a comfortable world of comfortable homes and ornate furniture, where little girls---before such conveniences as washing machines---wore crisp white dresses with bows in their hair. But it was also a world in which disease swept unchecked across the world, as the influena pandemic would prove two years later when it claimed my grandmother Fearn, mother's mom.

Roots 6

A three year old Odrae Lucille Fearn looks calmly into the lens of time. The year is 1912, and people are still talking of the recent sinking of the Titanic. Fifty-eight more years of life lie ahead of her: a long time looking forward, not the flicker of an angel's eyelash looking back.

Roots 5

In the 42 years they had with one another, Uncle Buck (Charles, born 1900) and Odrae (born 1911 and named Odrae because her Norwegian-born mother assumed that was the way to spell "Audrey")were textbook syblings. Uncle Buck's job was to protect his little sister, and mother worshipped her big brother. Both were heavy smokers and both subsequently died (Uncle Buck in 1953, Mother in 1971) of cancer. Their families take great comfort in the assurances of the tobacco industry that there is no link between smoking and cancer. Well, their saying so is certainly all the proof I need.

Roots 4

Charles Fearn entered the world in the first year of the 20th century: a world without radio, without television, without computers, without airplanes . His sister, Odrae, came along nine years later. He went on to have three children of his own, and to become "Uncle Buck" to Odrae's son...me. If love were our standard of wealth, he would have been a very wealthy man.

Roots: American Dreams

This house, built somewhere around the turn of the 20th century, was the Fearn family home until my mom sold it to move to be with me in California in 1969. It was built by my grandfather, housed him, my grandmother, their son and daughter. It witnessed history, and laughter, and tears. It was the quintessential American working middle class home on School Street (even the name is Americana), an elm-tree lined street of similar homes in Rockford, Illinois, then known as "The Forest City".

Today it is a treeless ghetto of slum properties where it is unsafe to drive down the street. The Fearns are gone from School Street. So, for many, is the American Dream.

Roots 3

That I do not know when or how Annabelle Erickson met Chester Fearn (the photo above was probably taken around 1905) only goes to underssore how little we know of our past and how quickly entire generations without whom we would not exist are lost to time.

To quote a memorable epitaph: "As you are now, so once were we. As we are now, so shall you be."

Roots 2

My maternal grandfather, Chester Fearn, circa 1905 (?). I wrote a blog on him (and one on grandma Fearn) quite a while back. Born in Pena, Illinois around 1872, a runaway at 12, he worked most of his life in foundries in Rockford, IL. His great loves were dancing and an occasional pinch of "snuss"...a finely ground tobacco snorted through the nose.

Roots

The purpose of this photoblog has been to lay out one writer's life in photos, and after several months, they have been pretty much exhausted. But no man, as they say, is an island, and I'd like to introduce you to some of the people without whose lives I could not be the person you've been seeing in all these photos.

This first photo is of my maternal grandmother, Annabelle Fearn (nee Erickson, born in Norway), taken around 1900.

Then and Now

College then, college now. (photo by AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

Flashback on L.A.

Two of life's many perversities are: 1) We seem incapable of appreciating what we have when we have it,, and 2) Things often seem rosier in retrospect than they did at the time. This shot, taken with Ramon on December 31, 1977, during my days as editor of In Touch for Men magazine, demonstrates both principles.

Friends and Time

I'm not sure how many people are (or will be, if they live long enought) blessed with having the same friends for 50 years, as I have in Tom (right) and Franklin (center) in this photo taken during their visit to me in Northern Wisconsin around 2000. One of the best tests of friendship is the ability, as with Tom and Franklin, to be physically separated for long periods of time with little actual contact, and then to be able to pick up a conversation in mid-sentence when you once again meet.

Time and the Family

The last family photo ever taken with my cousins Cork, Veda (Jack's wife) me, Nornie (Cork's wife), Jack, Shirley (Fat's wife), and Fat, probably 1992. Now there is just Jack, Veda, and I. Have I mentioned that life is not always fair?

And then there was one

After Mom died in 1971, a visit "home" in 1974 gave me this photo or Aunt Thyra, my cousin Fat and his wife Shirley. Now I am the only one left. In addition to Aunt Thyra, Fat, and Shirley, I've also lost my cousin Cork and his wife Nornie, leaving only one first cousin, Jack and his wife Veda as the only survivors of an entire generation. I can realize that this is the way life is, but I certainly don't have to like it, and I don't.

Once Upon a Lake

1960. Not that long ago, really. No,really. Just a dream or two away, and I was at my folks' cottage on Lake Koshkonong. That so much that was then is not now is a concept I find it impossible to accept. To me, it was, therefore it is.

Overlooks, 1

Well, with yesterday's entry, We've arrived pretty close to the present time in our little chronocologic tour of my life. So now I'm going back to put in any I overlooked which might possibly be of interet to you. Here's one from a 1990 trip to California to visit my good friends Mollie and Barb. Mollie took this one of Barb and me at the San Diego zoo.

Moving on

And so life goes on, and I---so much older but I'm not sure how much wiser---am happily once more living in Chicago. I have a number of good friends like Gary Brown, with me above, who make the journey much easier, I am doing what I love to do (writing), and I am content. What more can anyone ask?

Tic Toc Tic Toc

And so time passes. And after 50 years, I am blessed with the same friends. Tom (left) and his partner, Mike, recently visited from their home in Florida, and we went to the Museum of Science & Industry to see the WWII U-505 submarine exhibit. Tom and the U-505 look pretty much the same, but alas I am clearly showing the chips, dings, and faded paint brought on by passage of the years. That it is inevitable does not make it any more acceptable.

Into the Future

I arrived in Chicago in 1958 as Roger. I've returned as Roger/Dorien, and my world is centered on my writing, and places like Unabridged Books, which has been very kind to me. Ed, the owner, Kyle, bravely posing with me, and the entire staff are without exception top drawer people.

Circles

And so, after a 40 year absence, I find myself drawn back to Chicago. I made the decision to return during a visit to Norm in October of 2004, where I had a chance to meet with a couple fans of my books who subsequently becme real friends: Bil Buralli and Cork McGraw. And life moves on.

The Portrait Ages

This is one of the first photos taken after my release from Mayo following my successful battle with cancer. The split between my inner and outer selves, as with Dorian Gray and his portrait in in Oscar Wilde's classic novel, has begun. Sheba leant strong moral support during my recovery, reassuring me that everything would be all right. And it was (and continues to be) so long as I can avoid reflective surfaces.

The Good Life

I know I spend a great deal of time bewailing the passage of time and the price, like the small print in a legal document, it extracts. But as here in my little house in Pence, Wisconsin, in April of 2000, I can see that life, overall, has been very good to me. And if you think about it, you can probably say the same.

I mentioned Munchkins

Hope you don't mind a couple of no-people-in-them photos, but I wanted you to see that I wasn't kidding when I said my little house in Pence was designed for Munchkins. (The first photo was from the kitchen into the living room, the second the living room.) It was really small, but perfect for me, and I loved it.

Cozy is as Cozy Does

After giving up on the B&B around 1994, I decided one person in a nine-room house was rather impractical, and started looking for something that better fit my needs. And sure enough, less than four blocks from the B&B I found this Munchkin-sized house that was perfect for me. It came with a double lot. The total pirce? $10,000. I took it and lived here until I left the Great North Woods for Chicago.

An Early Snow

Winter can come early in the Great North Woods, as it did in 2000. The full winter, sometimes bringing 350 inches of snow, lay ahead...as did many changes for the world and for me.

In the Blink of an Eye

A photograph is an instant of time caught on film. Here are two instants, separated by a mere 60 years, offered as proof of just how fleeting time can be, and how much it can take from us in the blink of an eye. One second, it is 1936 I am hamming it up with my cousins "Fat" and Jack in the back yard of my aunt and uncle's house in Rockford, Illinois, and the next, Jack and I stand in the kitchen of my bed and breakfast in Pence, Wisconsin on October 13, 1995. Too fast! Too Fast!

Sammy

Sammy came to me in the 1970s in Los Angeles,a stray as most of my dogs have been, and she was still with me (here with, friend Karl,an unnamed kitten and an unnamed B&B guest,in 1992). She died that same year, while I was on a trip to Los Angeles. I still miss her.

Before Linus

Going through my photos...I'm beginning to run low...I came across this one, taken probably around 1938 or '39. What I'm doing here, I haven't a clue...which sort of sets the tone for the rest of my life. I'm sure it wasn't a security blanket. I never had one, nor did I have invisible friends. Those came later.

Blond Moment

I've more or less given up on trying to keep these photos in chronological order, so here's a photo that clearly asks the question: "What the Devil was I thinking?" Shortly after moving to L.A. in 1966 I decided I wanted to be a blond and tried it for about three months, just long enough to get it out of my system. If it's true that blonds have more fun, I didn't notice.

Metaphors

I've often used the metaphor of life being like a roller coaster ride. But unlike fiding a roller coaster, once the trip is over, you can't get back on again. Perhaps I was thinking of that when this photo was taken at 6 Flags Wisconsin around 1992. I'm certainly looking a bit pensive.

Sneaking Up

There are few areas that can beat the Great North Woods for beauty. Little Girl's Point (apparently named for an indian maiden who stood on the bluffs behind me looking out over Lake Superior for her love to return) was one of my favorite spots. However, while the forests are eternal, time sneaks up on people, as I am beginning, here (in theearly 90's), to recognize. Puttin' on a little weight there, too.

The Days of When

For those were the Days of When, when we were all young and all close friends and assumed it would always be so, as we were in this day at my parents' cottage around 1960. And except for Del Barker (L.) with whom I've lost touch, the rest of us...Norm, me, Franklin, and Tom, though unable to hold on to our youth, have remained friends for more than 40 years.

Whither Time?

See this picture? Me with Effie Foulis and Ken Swanson on graduation day? It was taken last week. Or maybe it was the week before. Really, it was! I remember it like it was yesterday. June, 1958? Don't be ridiculous! Let me go check the mirror.

...................never mind.

My "Second Mom"

The photo from the early 70s may be blurry, but my memories of Aunt Thyra are not. Most people are blessed to have one mother who loved them. I stiill think of Aunt Thyra as my second mother, because she always treated me like one of her own. She died in 1976, tearing yet another piece out of my heart.

Uncle Bob Redux

I don't think I've put this one up before, but I was thinking of my dear friend, Uncle Bob, who died last year on his 90th birthday. Here we are in my halcyon (in retrospect) L.A. days, in front of the Hollywood hills house we shared for a time (1966-1967). There have been many houses in my life, but only one Uncle Bob.

North Woods Life

Life in the Great North Woods isn't easy for gays and lesbians--what few there are are generally not only locked tightly in their closet but have bricked up the door from the inside. But Ray established a network of straight friends through AA, and we had a few parties at the B&B. I'm here at one of them with Val, one of Ray's best friends.